RV Week 3: Chronicle 1 (CK...Crushing on Kris)

My week was not complete since I was not able to see *K at the office the whole day of Friday. I don't know. There is something about him that I cannot quite comprehend but nonetheless draws me to him. It's not just his looks, which I say for the nth time is HOT HOT HOT!!! I just like talking to him since he's just so down-to-earth yet his really really smart. Oh my here I go again...Earlier, at the office, we were casually talking in the pantry over smoked salmon, bagels, and cream cheese. Our small talk ranged from staying at The Woodfin, remembering names, cooking, and invitations. I don't know how it slipped out, but I managed to invite him to a non-existent "cook-in" we were supposed to be having. Hahaha. Man! I must be truly insane. Then I noticed that crumbs started to gather on his upper lip. And you know what my tendency was? I grabbed a couple of napkins but I managed to hold back. I forcefully fought off the urge to wipe his mouth clean. Holy crap!!! I even though of kissing him. Hahahah! I must be sick. Geeze!!! Anyway, I still have a couple of weeks more to enjoy my "time" with him. Yeah...enjoy I will. Teehehehe...

RV Week 2: Chronicle 2

The perks of being single come at the most opportune time...when you are surrounded by crushable dudes who you only see on the catwalk modelling for Hugo Boss or some other fancy designer out there in a place where nobody knows you that much (so that the aura of mystery is there). I am enjoying that right now. Flirting is soooo much fun. It's just so funny since it brings out the guy in me. Hehehe. I make all the moves and what-have-yous. This guy from our Brussels office, K*, is just sooooo hot that he raises my testosterones to unsurpassed levels. Hahaha. Oh no?!? Does that make me gay? A glance or a wave from him is enough to make my blood rush up to my head. And when either one of us strikes up a conversation, I always feel like I am hyperventilating and I end up with a goofy smile on my face.

Just this afternoon, during social hours here at the hotel, I met Julio (or William, it must be the rhum), a Filipino who has settled here in Maryland just very recently. It was my first time to avail of the free drinks and the first time I got motivated to do so because of someone hovering at the bar. Hahaha. My companions actually thought I never came down again after I went up to go and get my passport for ID. But they found out. Hahaha. It just feels nice to be able to speak with someone whom you have something in common with in a strange land. It was just a bonus that he was actually cute...boyish and really articulate....*sigh*

This is it for now. I'll let you know of my other boy-watching activities or if anything interesting at all comes up.

RV Week 2: Chronicle 1

R*, a Filipino based here in RV, and works as a full-time analyst for the same company as we do, approached us early this morning to ask how the snow tubing went. I had nothing to share of course, since I did not make it either. He then broached the idea of ice skating to us which at first, sounded really tempting. But I figured, it was not a good idea since I have never even tried roller-skating. I just have this vivid image in my mind which shows me falling from skating, with me landing on my face. Hehehe. Not good...But the conversation that transpired after brought some good laughter to all four of us.

S*: (To P*) Gusto mo ba mag ice skating?
P*: Di ako marunong eh. Lagi lang ako matutumba.
S*: Eh kung nag rollerblades and rollerskates ka naman dati, I'm sure you'll get by.
P*: Never tried it.
S*: Kahit skateboard?
P*: Di talaga.
S*: Ano ka ba?!? Para ka namang di lalaki!
P*:(Turning to B*...) Ikaw ba B* marunong ka mag rollerblades or even rollerskates?
to which B* sardonically replies...
B*: Bakit lalaki ba ko?!?
Then guffaws followed...

Hahaha. That was really good. Which leads me to appreciate my team even more...I love these guys and I am so happy that I chose them...I know I know, mushy but true.

Snow Tubing...NOT!!!

Dinner at Joe's Crab Shack last Friday was fun and sumptuous. The greens on the salad was fresh, dressing was perfect, and the shrimp pasta was nice. It was so nice that I did not mind eating a couple of shrimps which were coated in batter and deep-fried to perfection. It was not until I got home that I started to feel funny. I felt itchy all over, spreading through my thighs and back. I knew it was not good. But I did not think my allergies would be so bad that I would not make it to snow tubing the next day. I took my medication for allergies and even dress-rehearsed for the upcoming snow tubing gig (because I was anticipating *K, the hot guy from the office will make it). I felt really bad since I was looking forward to it even if it meant spending some time over the weekend, with the counterpart-from-hell. I know I missed all the fun but am also glad that the guys enjoyed. Hopefully I will do better tomorrow as we go to DC to explore. Been thinking of things we could do to amuse ourselves since it is a long weekend. Wish us luck!

RV Week 1:

It has been a week since I got here in Rockville and everything seems to fly by so fast. Friday night I flew in through LAX with my team. And then waited until almost midnight to board a flight to Chicago. When we got off the plane when we landed there, it was freezing! The tube felt like a large freezer while we were walking on it towards the arrival area. We then had to rush since we had to find the gate in O’Hare Airport where we would be boarding for our flight to Washington. It took us a whole day to get here so thank God it is over. However, we got a special gift when we arrived since it snowed. We meant to make snow angels but we were just not used to the cold so we had a very brief playtime while it snowed.

This trip has been a revelation for me in terms of the people I work closely with at the office. If there is one thing I really love about this trip, it is the chance for me to get a glimpse of how B*, P*, and S* really are. I have taken note of some conversations we have had while traveling. I have taken note of these for my own amusement so here it goes:

P*: (to S*) Ano lilipad na ba? Lilipad na ba?
S*: Pumpwesto pa yung plane for take-off.
After a few minutes…
P*: (to S*) Lilipad na ba tayo? Ano na?
S*: Gusto mo dito? Window seat para kita mo? Barf bag?
P*: Hinde, okay lang ako. (But continues to fidget on his seat…)

Here are bits and pieces of what transpired when the meal was about to be served:

P*: Pwede bang dalawang servings?
Me: I doubt it. Pero kung may di kumain, malamang pwede naman. The flight attendants seem to be nice.
The flight attendant, a certain Joaquin Garchitorena seemed to overhear us. He was really nice enough to offer P* another serving.
P*: No it’s ok. Thanks. (Turning bashful…)
Me: Ayun naman pala eh. Magpakatotoo ka na P*. Ok naman pala eh. He offered naman na.
P*: No thanks. Pwede na lang yung full can ng Pepsi? (to which the attendant willingly obliged)

While we were preparing for touch down at the LAX…

P*: Ano the OC na ba? OC na ba? (in his unusually loud voice)
I find myself laughing with S* as we continue to be amazed by P*’s reactions to things. We cannot blame him for it was his first airplane ride.

One thing I noticed about P* is that he smells just about anything he lays his hands on. For instance, he smelled his allowance when he encashed his cheque at Citibank. I am not exaggerating but I think it is an unconscious habit on his part. He was just so amusing…I have a lot more to write but I need to crash now or I will not be useful at the office later.

The Man from Nokia

<-----This is how I'd usually look when someone tries to start small talk with me. But then, it was different this morning when all of a sudden an older, dignified man started conversation on our way up to the 19th floor. It was probably his way of expressing gratitude as I waited on him at the elevator. It turns out that this man works in Nokia. He was very Pinoy yet very articulate. He thought I was with Kumon! Hah! Now that's another interesting piece to write about, ie, what made him think I was with Kumon. Hehehe. He asked where I worked if I wasn't with Kumon and really showed interest about what I do. Anyhow, it was a pleasant experience talking with this man. Conversation with him was meaty albeit very brief. If only for that, I really wouldn't mind coming in early and having another chance encounter with the man from Nokia. As we got off the elevator, said our goodbyes, and went our different ways, he sure left me looking like this......

What I Miss About Melbourne

It will almost be a month since I got back from the second most livable city in the world and yet there are still moments that hit me where all of a sudden I miss the place I made my home for almost 3 months.

The Crazy Weather: Never thought I'd miss it, but here I am longing for that 4 seasons in a day type of weather, well at least the dry air and the pleasantly cold weather with sunshine.

The Food: I miss the variety of food they have down there. I miss the BBQ Corner, Manmo, Stokehouse, Cafe Vibe, Blahnik, as well as the other places I've tried out while I was there.

The People: I miss the great partnership, the unassuming demeanor of the prof, the frontliner's chit chat, the actor's attitude and personality, and the prince's cute face and accent. I even miss the people I seldom saw who resided in the same building as I did.

The Efficient Transportation System: I miss the tram. Enough said.

The Bead Shop: I unleashed the creative side I never thought I had. Besides, it was very therapeutic to just be there.

There are lots of other things that I miss about Melbourne, say the shopping and the fantastic places I have seen, the architecture among others. But I'd end this list for now lest I bore you. I also fear that I might not do it justice should I write about it today. I hope to do it some other time, when I am well.

For now, I'd just go back to sleep and I might even dream of it so I won't miss it too much.

The Great Ocean Road Tour

The great ocean road tour was worth every buck. Words are not enough to express the magnificence of the places I have seen this morning from The 12 Apostles (which you see in this picture), to Loch Ard Gorge all the way to the London Bridge. Australia, particularly Victoria, has an amazing coastline and the rock formations are absolutely fantastic. This is one place worth coming back to and worth seeing with the people you hold dear to your heart...Now I am getting mushy...I'll try to post as much picture as I could when I have the time. I'm going to hit the bed now since it has been a really long day.

After a hearty dinner at Cookie along Swanston Street, *N, *A, and I found ourselves at the corner of Bourke and Swanston Streets to wait for a cab or tram, whichever comes first, to take us home. Out of the blue, this sleazy looking guy appeared out of nowhere with this line to boot...You ladies look really beautiful from afar but closer...you are even more beautiful...My friends and I could not help but roll our eyes. Here's the typical guy who has a knack of hitting on girls who he thinks are naive enough to take the bait. *A's expression changed from cheerful to irritated. Apparently, this was the same guy who hit on her a few weeks back and try to pick her up with the very same line! How pathetic. I never saw *A as upset as she was then. After the guy left when he realized he won't get anywhere with us, *A told me that she wanted to smack the man with her umbrella! Hahaha! Well she should have...that guy was one sleazy sicilian...


As I promised *E, here's the continuation of the 20 random things about moi...

7. I am a cam whore. I am trigger-happy but I secretly like taking pictures of myself when nobody's looking. Hehehe!
8. I have this piercing gaze whenever I am in a daze or just plain hungry.
9. I have big feet and even bigger.....head!
10. I am a boxing junkie.
11. I love drinking coffee and I am a big fan of chocolates.
12. I've never watched American Idol (though I like Bo Bice a lot) but I am hooked on Australian Idol.
13. I have a bad habit of flicking my tongue to create a silly sound whenever I am tired.
14. I am hopelessly sentimental.
15. I know a lot of old yucky songs, old yucky B-movies, and old yucky B-movie actors and actresses! hahaha
16. Yagit with Jocelyn, Tomtom and Jeremy was an integral part of my childhood...no wonder...
17. I am capable of staying up late even if I have to wake up the following day really early for an appointment.
18. But when I am dead tired, no amount of coffee can help me stay awake and I strike anywhere!
19. I am a fan of retail therapy.
20. I miss my family and friends terribly.

So this list completes the 20 random things abot me that came to mind...for violent reactions, just let me know...and we'll work something out. Hehe! Ciao for now...

Me me me me mee mee...

My alarm went off at 6:15 am and I was surprised that the sun was up. Forecast for the weekend was not really good with showers and overcast that will last until tomorrow, Monday. But I keep reminding myself that I am in Melbourne. They say that if you don't like the weather in Melbourne, all you have to do is wait for a minute and everything changes. So I got up and took the chance to take a picture of this seemingly nice day. This is the view from my apartment. I decided to go for a run at the Docklands Park (the green portion in this picture). It surely was nice. After 20 minutes of jogging, I decided to head for the gym and spent another half an hour or so at the bike and the rower. So I am all set for the day. The pool looked inviting too but it was a bit breezy so I decided to forego swimming. As I huffed and puffed in the gym, I made some mental notes as to what I'd write for I have been tagged...and here are what initially came to mind...

1. I miss tinapa (smoked fish), salted red eggs, and tomatoes, sardines, and steaming hot rice. And this crossed my mind while working out!
2. I am a geek. I love to write, read, and I tinker with stuff which I cannot put back together anymore afterwards.
3. I am a closet romantic. Enough said...
4. I am a sucker for letters (the old fashioned handwritten letters). I have letters written to me even while I was in high school. I lost those from primary school.
5. I am a hard crusher. Meaning, when I am crushing on someone, I keep even the smallest thing he had contact with, say a clamp, a candy wrapper, an almost used-up pencil and whatever my crush lays his hands on that I can keep for myself... I know I know...pathetic:p hahaha. BUT I outgrew this already.
6. I am a wonderful cook.

I'd continue with the list when I have time this afternoon. I have to get ready for Church and the Big Market:)

Bridge Road

I had a very amusing experience last Sunday afternoon while shopping in Bridge Road with friends. N* just got here and we were helping her find a warmer jacket for her to use for the coming weeks she'd be staying here. I, on the other hand, have been looking for some knits that I could use here for layering. After an hour or so of digging my way through heaps and piles of clothing, I got myself a nice beige sweater and a scarf. N* got a very nice sweater as well (I loved the color...it's bluish gray) I lined up at the counter to pay for my purchases. When it was my turn to pay, here's what has tanspired (though not verbatim)...

Cashier: Hi how are you?
Me:Am good, thanks.
Cashier: So what's with the knitwear? (addressed to another cashier then she smiles at me)
Me: Am still not used to Melbourne's crazy weather so I figured I can put to good use this scarf and sweater.
Cashier: Oh don't worry about the weather. Summer's just around the corner and it'd be warmer in no time. Where are you from? I really like your accent.
Me: I come from Manila...and I have an accent?!?
Cashier: OH lovely, Manila...Yeah. You're not aware you have an accent? Its so cute.
Me: Why thanks (flabbergasted sill)...but I do have an accent?
Cashier: Yes sweetie you do...That'd be $49.90.
Me: Here you go. Thanks!
Cashier: See you around!

So now, my Filipino English is officially accentuated, though I know not what to make of it. Hahaha...(By the way, the lady who insisted that I've got an accent looked like the actress who played the young doctor (Megan, if I'm not mistaken) in the movie, Father of the Bride2. ) But for now, I'd content myself with "Cheers mate!"

Never thought I'd be capable of smiling after a really long day (though my unkempt hair is a giveaway, hehe). Actually, it wasn't so bad, it's just that I was feeling a bit under the weather but I felt compelled to go since the sun was out and the day was too beautiful day to be wasted inside my apartment. I had brunch with *J, *A and her bf *V in St. Kilda. The place, Vibe Bar&Cafe, was really nice, cozy, and most importantly served good food. After that sumptuous brunch (I had openfaced omelette with smoked salmon), we went for a walk along Ackland Street and saw a lot of interesting shops. There were shops selling clothes, leather goods, gelatti, novelty items, and my fave of all...CAKES!!! Just the sight of those lovely cakes was enough to make my heart soar. I intend to make a return trip there if only for the cake shops. I know people are going to tell me, "And I thought you are dying to lose weight?" Well, I'll just take pictures. Hahahaha...Goodness! I am just into my third week here in Melbourne and I am really having a great time. I know since I feel like I've been here forever. I am actually rediscovering myself, since I kinda lost it in the past couple of months. Anyway, after the shops, we headed for a walk to the beach and it was lovely. I breathe in as much fresh air as I could. It was actually really nice to get to these parts of Melbourne since it isn't frequent that I see a lot of people in the streets. The feel is so much different when you are in the city. But that's not to say that there isn't anything to see in the city. After St. Kilda, we went to Federation Square which has a lot of interesting architecture and this bar called T has an in-house performer who sounded like Rob Thomas. It was the first time in a while that I actually heard good music other than what was in my iPod. Then off we went to Crowne. So there...it wasn't so bad was it? To think that I just actually planned on spending the day indoors. Today, the great outdoors prevailed. And I am glad it did.

Of Trams…Queasy Stomachs…and Man Drought

They say that time flies when you are having fun…I probably am. A few weeks ago, I was feeling restless and a bit frantic about my upcoming trip to Melbourne and now here I am, all settled and comfortable in my spiffy and very nice apartment in Docklands. I could not believe up to now that it has been a week already. By golly! So what have I been up to? Well for one thing, I’m getting the hang of walking again. The weather here’s actually quite nice to walk in. I used to take the tram from Collins Street to Elizabeth, but then, lately, trams going that route usually take a while to come by so I just walk a couple of more blocks to get to the office. Hmm…besides, I’d rather walk and see much more than waste time waiting for the tram. But that’s not to say that there isn’t anything interesting to see as I wait.

One time I took the wrong tram, which brought me to Port Melbourne. Silly me! Hehehe…Just because I saw the words Via City made me think that it would actually bring me to the city, where I needed to go. The price I had to pay? A 40-minute tram ride, which took me to other portions of Melbourne. It was actually fun. You see I have this mantra that it’s not so much about getting lost but the adventure of the unknown that makes life so exciting…Which brings me to tell you that my queasy stomach’s been making my life really exciting here. Hahaha! Oh well…

Well, I am off to the city today for church service. Then I’ll just walk around and take a few shots of the city and wherever my feet would take me. Planning to go to St. Kilda, which according to a study is a hotspot for women who are in the lookout for men. Hahaha! Apparently Australia is experiencing a man drought and women born in 1972 are the most affected. According to the study, there were 25,000 more women than men born in that same year…Well, I’ll see how that goes and if it does work…Good thing I wasn’t born in 1972! Hehehe…

Until then, cheers! (haha...ang labo!!!)

What have I been up to lately you might ask? Well, for one I've been really busy finishing my papers for a class that I did not complete two semesters ago. It took a broken flash drive and an impending conviction of my professor to motivate me to finally finish my reaction papers. Whew!!! Aside from that, work, friends, and family have been eating up much of my time. I have been neglecting this blog, I know but then I can always make it up by posting every once in a while. Hehe...Anyway, yesterday on my way home, my faith in human kindness has been restored. I mean, I've been really jaded these past few days given the series of events that have been taking place, be it something personal or otherwise. But last night was different. As I fell in line to wait for the shuttle service that will take me home, it began to drizzle. I didn't have an umbrella and all I had was my denim jacket. I then began to use it to shield at least my head from getting wet since I didn't want to get sick. And what do you know? This woman who looked like a snob at first was smiling at me and she said "Silong ka muna dito sa kin Miss." And I was like Whoah!?! I really didn't quite expect it and all I could do was say thank you and smile back. And after the kind lady had gone as the shuttle service arrived, another offered her umbrella since I no longer had shelter from the drizzle. It was amazing! I've been a recipient of two kind acts from strangers in just one night. Those random acts of kindness were very refreshing and they surely revived my ailing spirits.

My Soliloquy

I am a wonderful person who is being asked and prayed for by someone fom God. I will make someone happy who in return will make me happy. Once I find the one who gives me love, respect, and attention I need, I will realize that YOU do not have a place in my heart as I thought you had. I believe that I deserve someone better and that I should not give my love away so easily especially to someone so undeserving. This time I will have to come first. All my feelings are valid. If I am hurt, then damn I am hurt!!! I do not need to find the right to be hurt before I can express I am hurt. Feelings are feelings and by contemplating whether I have the right to feel something is an injustice to myself. Why do I need validations for my feelings?!? No!!! I should never ever do this unto myself. I am a person whose feelings are as valid as anyone else's. I will not let anyone walk over me...most especially myself. I will get up in my own time. This time I will not shortchange myself...I will write another love story...the next time would be for real, when I am ready. For now I will take care and I will be strong for myself. I know it won't be easy but neither is it impossible.

A Leap Into the Unknown

A friend of mine got engaged recently, well, just the other morning to be exact. I was floored with the news. Not that I wasn't happy for her, it's just that things have been going really fast for her and that I just hope she's making the right decision. She's literally leaping into the unknown and for the firs time in a long while I felt happy and sad at the same time for a dear dear friend. I am happy that she feels all her doubts that have been cropping up as of late are all pushed aside. Still, I also have some apprehensions with the breaking news she just shared but for obvious reasons and for not wanting to burst her bubble, I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself. Well, at least for now. Heck! She's engaged and as a good friend, I should just be happy for her. Haha.Well, I am happy for you girl if you ever get to read this. let me tell you that I love you and I will be right behind you in whatever life-altering decisions you are to make.

**As for other things, I have been thinking of having my hair cut really short, not for anything else but for the simple reason that I want to have a do that is not so hard to maintain. Apart from that, I had an amusing story that compelled me to at least contemplate on getting a shorter do. It was one of those lazy nights I was having and I found myself in my fave coffee shop. As I was waiting for my name to be called, a stranger approached me and placed something on my table. When I looked up, he was already walking away, with only his back as my last chance of catching a glimpse of him. He looked normal to me. He was in a crisp, powder blue long-sleeved polo and khaki pants. After a few moments of being perplexed, I stared down at the napkin lying on top of my table. There it was, scribbled in all its glory, the most creative pick-up line I've ever had in years (if it was a pick-up line). Haha...It said: Your hair screams of sex...Raaaawwwwrrrrrr!!! That jolted me back to my senses and gave me a kick far more than any caffeine fix could. In the end, I just laughed it off and found the entire thing amusing. He didn't even wait for my reaction and it gave me the feeling that he really just had to say it right at that very moment he felt compelled to say it. My hair that night was the same long hair I've been wearing the past six months. Well, with a li'l difference if I may add, since I had it styled where the layers are more obvious and my hair's natural wave was enhanced. And I asked my stylist to change my look just a bit and she gave me side-bangs. Hehe. That was probably it. Hah! Now, talk about being careful with what I wish for...

Untitled

I just got back yesterday from a four-day holiday with my sister in Kuala Lumpur. It was just a few days of relaxation, exploration, and of communion with my sister and of the place we dared explore. Kuala Lumpur's charm exudes from its ability to maintain its rustic side while incorporating a few modern twists. It has a tansportation system so efficient that going around the city was never a problem at all. We met a lot of nice people too, despite my parents incessant worries that we were trudging a dangerous place. I would love to share with you every little detail of that trip, from the annoying and high-handed immigration officer in Clark up to the point where we landed safely in Malaysia and back. I will do that next time, probably when my fever's gone. I remember that I haven't even written anything wortwhile as well about my Camiguin trip. Oh well...I will try to do all those in the coming days as I try to be the I-live-each-day-as-if-it-were-my-last type of person. (Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes truly struck me when one of the lines in the book said: Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly. An entry in Maria's journal, p.206.)

Leave Me Alone, Will Yah?

It happened again and I really have no idea why. I went to the mall come lunchbreak to get the tickets to the basketball game that my sister, cousin Jerome, and myself will be seeing this Sunday. It was a promised birthday treat for Jerome as he turns 10 this year...Going back to what I was saying, after I got the tickets, I decided to grab a bite at the foodcourt since I didn't want to carry out food and bring it to the office and eventually eat it in my cube. I was by my lonesome but I didn't mind. I am used to eating alone if I had to. I ordered garlic rice with pork adobo and garlic spinach. I was savoring my meal with each mouthful when all of a sudden a tall, decent-looking man approached me. And I knew at that moment that a bomb was set off. "Do I know you from somewhere Miss?" he said, to which I replied "No. You don't know me from Adam." I had that expression which said just leave me alone and let me enjoy this quiet time by myself, but I suppose the message didn't get across. Again, he said, "What school did you go to? You really look familiar." That was it! That sealed his fate as I gave him the look which I only unleash when I'm really pissed. Then I said "Can't you see I'm having lunch here? Please just leave me alone." And then I looked away as I muttered under my breath that his pick-up line really sucked. I really don't know why it almost always happens to me. Do I conduct myself in a manner by which makes me qualified to be preyed upon by people who do not have anything worthwhile to do but crack small talk with poeple they see as vulnerable and who they think will bite? I realized that in a society such as ours where people put a premium on couplehood, single people such as myself are easy targets and are considered freaks. Be that as it may, it doesn't give people the right to badger me just because they see I am alone because honestly, I am doing fine...well at least for now. And next time please!!!...try to come up with something innovative and maybe...just maybe I might reconsider.

Random Musings

Here I am, in front of my laptop, groping for words as I've been so out of it lately. Didn't go to work today since I've been down with a fever. I don't know but this is probably because of the weather, the sweltering heat that I feel so sluggish...The past few days have been really difficult for me since I've been feeling really down. I know I shouldn't be complaining. Not that my life's so bad, it has never been that way actually. But have you ever felt that despite everything that you are and have, there's this nagging sense of emptiness that crawls and feeds on your gut? I have been trying to pinpoint what could've been causing this and after pushing my brains to think deep and hard, I realized it was one of those fateful days when a friend of mine asked me to try something out and I did, thinking that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain in the process. But I did...I lost my heart which I think I will never get back whole again.

Closure

Just minutes ago, I made the most painful decision I've ever made in my life. I erased you completely in my life. Every remnant of you, every trace of you I no longer shall see. The pain's seeping down to my bones but pain never felt this good for I am free. Finally! The closure I've been waiting for. I've never been this vulnerable but loving you made me. I just wish for myself that at least I could be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or when things get pretty rough. I never asked for you to tell me what's going on inside your head even though I am dying to understand you. But at least let me be there for you in the best way I know how. I never asked you to need me for what I give you is unconditional.

Wherever you may be, I do hope you carry with you the love I showered you with and all the good times we had. I wish you good health, a sound mind, and an accepting heart. I fervently hope that you find what you've been searching for and I wish for your happinness even if it means you not being with me. I don't have anymore left to say to you but I love you dearly, and I always will...Happy birthday...