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I just got back yesterday from a four-day holiday with my sister in Kuala Lumpur. It was just a few days of relaxation, exploration, and of communion with my sister and of the place we dared explore. Kuala Lumpur's charm exudes from its ability to maintain its rustic side while incorporating a few modern twists. It has a tansportation system so efficient that going around the city was never a problem at all. We met a lot of nice people too, despite my parents incessant worries that we were trudging a dangerous place. I would love to share with you every little detail of that trip, from the annoying and high-handed immigration officer in Clark up to the point where we landed safely in Malaysia and back. I will do that next time, probably when my fever's gone. I remember that I haven't even written anything wortwhile as well about my Camiguin trip. Oh well...I will try to do all those in the coming days as I try to be the I-live-each-day-as-if-it-were-my-last type of person. (Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes truly struck me when one of the lines in the book said: Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly. An entry in Maria's journal, p.206.)

Leave Me Alone, Will Yah?

It happened again and I really have no idea why. I went to the mall come lunchbreak to get the tickets to the basketball game that my sister, cousin Jerome, and myself will be seeing this Sunday. It was a promised birthday treat for Jerome as he turns 10 this year...Going back to what I was saying, after I got the tickets, I decided to grab a bite at the foodcourt since I didn't want to carry out food and bring it to the office and eventually eat it in my cube. I was by my lonesome but I didn't mind. I am used to eating alone if I had to. I ordered garlic rice with pork adobo and garlic spinach. I was savoring my meal with each mouthful when all of a sudden a tall, decent-looking man approached me. And I knew at that moment that a bomb was set off. "Do I know you from somewhere Miss?" he said, to which I replied "No. You don't know me from Adam." I had that expression which said just leave me alone and let me enjoy this quiet time by myself, but I suppose the message didn't get across. Again, he said, "What school did you go to? You really look familiar." That was it! That sealed his fate as I gave him the look which I only unleash when I'm really pissed. Then I said "Can't you see I'm having lunch here? Please just leave me alone." And then I looked away as I muttered under my breath that his pick-up line really sucked. I really don't know why it almost always happens to me. Do I conduct myself in a manner by which makes me qualified to be preyed upon by people who do not have anything worthwhile to do but crack small talk with poeple they see as vulnerable and who they think will bite? I realized that in a society such as ours where people put a premium on couplehood, single people such as myself are easy targets and are considered freaks. Be that as it may, it doesn't give people the right to badger me just because they see I am alone because honestly, I am doing fine...well at least for now. And next time please!!!...try to come up with something innovative and maybe...just maybe I might reconsider.

Random Musings

Here I am, in front of my laptop, groping for words as I've been so out of it lately. Didn't go to work today since I've been down with a fever. I don't know but this is probably because of the weather, the sweltering heat that I feel so sluggish...The past few days have been really difficult for me since I've been feeling really down. I know I shouldn't be complaining. Not that my life's so bad, it has never been that way actually. But have you ever felt that despite everything that you are and have, there's this nagging sense of emptiness that crawls and feeds on your gut? I have been trying to pinpoint what could've been causing this and after pushing my brains to think deep and hard, I realized it was one of those fateful days when a friend of mine asked me to try something out and I did, thinking that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain in the process. But I did...I lost my heart which I think I will never get back whole again.

Closure

Just minutes ago, I made the most painful decision I've ever made in my life. I erased you completely in my life. Every remnant of you, every trace of you I no longer shall see. The pain's seeping down to my bones but pain never felt this good for I am free. Finally! The closure I've been waiting for. I've never been this vulnerable but loving you made me. I just wish for myself that at least I could be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on or when things get pretty rough. I never asked for you to tell me what's going on inside your head even though I am dying to understand you. But at least let me be there for you in the best way I know how. I never asked you to need me for what I give you is unconditional.

Wherever you may be, I do hope you carry with you the love I showered you with and all the good times we had. I wish you good health, a sound mind, and an accepting heart. I fervently hope that you find what you've been searching for and I wish for your happinness even if it means you not being with me. I don't have anymore left to say to you but I love you dearly, and I always will...Happy birthday...