CDO and Camiguin Part 1

I am currently in an internet cafe here in Cagayan de Oro. It's been six days of pure bliss under the sun in Camiguin. My friend and I are here to purchase tickets for our return flight to Manila. Of course there are ocassional stress and irritants but I guess these things are inevitable since we can't have everything we want right? One thing I realized while vacationing was the fact that I miss my family so much. Sure everyone's nice and makes you feel at home but I still feel that it would've been better with family. Anyway, I was just trying to finish up the remaining credits I have in this dusty internet cafe and I'd be going in a while. More to come.

The Things I Do When My Days Are Blah

I've never been this excited in my life. My heart's pounding and throbbing from all the anticipation I will have to endure in the coming days. I'd say that this has been the most important choice I have ever made as far as decision-making is concerned. I decided to give in to you...I finally admitted to myself that I can no longer take you for granted, that there won't be any way for me to ignore you...that it is actually time for me to heed your call...I will give you my full, undivided attention this time. I will be looking forward to the day when I stand face-to-face with you just a breath away from me. I will bask in your beauty, your might, your strength until you fill me with every detail of everything that makes you wonderful...I no longer can contain it...My head feels light just thinking of what will be in store for us...Be ready for me Petronas, prepare for this woebegone soul who finally had the courage to explore and face you head on...

Hehe...That's me in my most timang state. The past two weeks had been really blah for me so I decided to do the craziest thing ever. I booked a flight for me and my sister to Kuala Lumpur in one of those budget trips just moments before. I never realized until of late that I had this wanderlust that needed to be satisfied. So with everyone else hitting slumberville, off I went to make online bookings and reservations. Wohoo!!! I don't think mom would disapprove because she may be strict when it comes to other matters like us having late night outs but she never tried to stop us when we wanted to see some place different where we could learn a thing or two. I am just sooooo excited...I never want to obsess on the small things regarding this trip since I just want to have a great time with my sister and just try to be a backpacker for a day or two. I will try to just go with the flow and not nitpick on things...I will try...I will try...

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I've never felt so alone in my life. And it was so ironic that I felt it when unconfirmed news of another baby in the family is on its way came out...Yes, you read it right folks! We are going to have another baby after 22 years. And it doesn't help that The Rainbow Connection's (which Sarah Mclachlan sang in an infuriatingly beautiful way) playing in my iPod right now. Brings back memories of my childhood when my only major concern was how to get through the day without me getting caught playing outside the house.

I should've known that it bothered me since I really had a blah day at the office and I was so out of sync. I just kept pushing the thought at the back of my head. I never realized that the news affected me so much until when I got home from work this evening. I kissed everyone when I got home but then it seemed like I wasn't really there. I felt like I was floating while I was in my own private shell where nobody could penetrate. Then I headed straight for my room, undressed and changed clothes and just lay on top of my bed. I shut the world out by turning the volume of my player full blast until I dozed off. But I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. I really felt so alone. My sister, who's usually sensitive with the things I do NOT say, just managed a simple "Are you okay, Ate? What's wrong?" and then continued talking with her friend on the phone when she first saw me. I was never lacking of attention from the people who mattered to me but at that moment I felt I was the biggest KSP alive. Pathetic huh? I really don't know why I am feeling this way. Probably it's been so long that we had a baby in the family and it didn't help that it is my mom who's going to have a baby. Hell yeah! That's it!!! It's supposed to be me, well in the natural order of things that is. Or it could even be my sister, but not mom. But then she's the one. And how selfish and mean of me to think that it can not be her:( Actually, it has to be her since she's the only one married. Hehehe.

Now I couldn't help but smile and be cheesy. Dear old mom:)...This baby is going to be damn lucky since he's got all of us...Now I can actually say that finally after a long while, we are going to have a baby. God's gift...Heaven-sent...