Dr. Jerk-yl and Mr. Hide

*Y, my best guy friend, and I had an altercation this afternoon. It was supposed to be a pleasant chitchat since he actually greeted me happy birthday in advance. Then again, things have their own way of shaping up and one thing led to another and I ended up hanging up on him...

*Y and I have been friends for almost four years now and it wasn't under the most conventional circumstance that we've met. He was introduced to me by my orthodontist/friend *T for me to introduce him to some Chinese girls I knew. *Y at that time was actually looking for a "howe" (girlfriend to us mere mortals). He went to visit *T's clinic during one of my appointments, thus our introduction to each other took place. I never really liked him the first time I spoke with him prior to our meeting. He came across as obnoxious and really really self-absorbed. His favorite line was (and I quote him on this one) "Di naman ako gwapo, di ko naman kamukha si Aga Muhlach, at di rin ako cute. Malakas lang talaga appeal ko sa mga babae." And the first time I heard that I really couldn't help but say "Yeah right, di ka rin naman makapal ano?" To think that it was the first time we spoke to each other over the phone. He was so candid though and seemed so real so I really didn't mind talking to him.

Fastforward to today...Knowing who he really is, seeing him get over a break up, seeing him date other girls and finally move on is such a welcome treat. *Y's relationship with *J is at its most stable these days until two weeks ago when *Y told me that he's been seeing another woman whom I shall call *N. There was nothing serious to it according to him and he was just so smug that it was all N's fault because she knew in the first place that he has a grilfriend. *Y could really be such a jerk sometimes!!! This made me really angry but then I didn't reason with him. Besides, it's his life, he's of age and he can do whatever *f!%@^&! thing he wanted to so long as it makes him happy. And I wanted him to sort it out on his own. Then came the phone call this afternoon. He said "Pinagtataguan ko na yung babae ko Pareng Anne. Ayoko na eh." To which I replied "Good for you. But you need not hide from her you know." And that started the argument. *Y wanted to just disappear without explanations. For him, he didn't hurt anyone so he owed no one an explanation. I was just so disappointed in him that I hung up on him. After all the heartaches the he himself has gone through, I felt that he didn't learn a thing. He asked me as to what my thoughts on the matter were but when I tried to say something, he cut me off. So what's the use? I am in no position to judge him but I cannot bring myself to be sympathetic either. I just wanted to tell him that he should be man enough to face the consequences of his actions. He need not explain *N that it's already over and it's goodbye but he should at least acknowledge that he was wrong and that he had to stop whatever it was that needed to be stopped. He should stop justifying those things that has happened as if it was only *N who was at fault and that the burden's all hers to bear. It's so cowardly to just walk away. It's just so uncharacteristic of *Y to walk away just like that.

Despite the resurrection of the guy from Jerkdom, *Y remains to be my best guy friend and I sincerely wish for his happiness.

Dazed for Days

I woke up one night to a dream I wish I never had...

I heard a soft tap on our door. I get up to see who it was and there you were standing right in front of me. No bags, no luggages, nothing. It was you, just you and a bunch of flowers. I stand there tongue-tied waiting for you to say something. But you didn't say anything, not even a single word. You just smiled at me and gestured for me to let you in. And I did...

Then everything happened in a blur...you get to meet my parents and manage to get along with them. Then there was my entire family whom you've won over as well. I was just passively looking on while all these things took place...

Then all of a sudden, you were leaving and you were taking me with you. I felt really happy as if I would burst and my heart was swelling with excitement and with a lot other emotions that I could not fathom. I was unusually quiet though while all these were happening. Then poof!!!....I knew it was too surreal to be true and too sweet to be real.

I woke up one night to a dream I wish I never had...because I know in my heart that it'll remain just that, a dream. A dream that left me dazed for days...

The Best Things in Life are Free

Yes it's true...the best things in life are free:)

Here's a classic example...Flashback to April 2003. I was having a really terrible day at the office, you know when everything seems to go wrong and things actually do not go my way, when I decided to take a breather by going down to our office building's food court to look for something sweet. I thought that getting my sugar fix would compensate for the ho-hum morning I've been having. So I left my cube and went to the lobby and as I waited for the elevator, this guy that I used to have a crush on caught up with me. He then started a conversation to which I gamely responded to. The elevator finally stopped at our floor and we both stepped in, still continuing with our small talk. Then all of a sudden, I was like transported into a warp zone where all I heard was senseless noise and whirrring sounds (well I usually have this when I am stressed or when I am not in my element) and my ex-crush's words didn't make sense anymore. So as much as I hated to admit that I didn't get a single word of what he was saying, I had no choice but to say..."Sorry?" to which he replied with a big grin on his face..."Bakit ka sorry?" (Why are you sorry?)...I actually thought that he was kidding...but he wasn't!!! I wanted to laugh my head off but good thing I was able to get a hold of myself. And I actually had to explain to him what I meant when I said "Sorry?" When we arrived at our stop, I already lost the appetite to get my sugar fix so I had to make an excuse that I forgot something upstairs. On my way up, I really had a good laugh and I was thankful that it was just me inside the elevator...I saved a few bucks and also a few pounds that I should've gained all because of that free comic relief I had with ex-crush...Thank God he was an ex-crush. Teehehee...

When You Take a Closer Look

Snow from afar indeed looks pretty. The first time I've seen it, it literally took my breath away. One of the most amazing sights I've ever seen was that of a snow-capped mountain while we were on the road going to Las Vegas. I gasped with excitement the moment I first laid eyes on it. My uncle and aunt got excited for me since they told me that it doesn't happen all the time...well not at that time of the year and not in those parts of California. So the moment they got the chance to pull-over, they immediately did and made me step out of the car to have my picture taken. And being the silly and over-excited guest that I was, I did as I was told. I stepped out of the car without the proper gear. Geeez!!! It was pretty cold. I didn't have socks on and I was just wearing a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. But I was too excited to care during that moment. I was carefree and uninhibited...I was once again a child. I frolicked in the snow and grabbed a fistful of it...and I realized that it looked so much different up close. It wasn't all white..it wasn't as perfect as I thought it would be...but I will forever remember that moment...Life is sometimes like that...we admire something or someone from afar and given the chance to have a closer look, we take it, only for us to find out that things are not what they seem. Then we get disappointed and we somehow lose that sense of wonder and awe...and that for me is the saddest part since I believe in my heart that at least I had that moment...that chance to take a closer look...

This Girl Has Turned Into a Woman

I was on my way to the office when this song played inside the shuttle...

This girl has turned into a woman.
And I've dreamed of this moment all my life.
This girl has turned into a woman.
And I thank you for your tenderness last night.

As if those weren't enough, the end of the song goes...

And I want to love you again...tonight.

Ugh!!! It didn't sink in until the lyrics played over and over inside my head. It was really irritating to be afflicted with LSS and with a song like that!!! My friends could attest to the fact that I know a lot of trivial and oh-so-out-of-this-world things that sometimes I even amaze and amuse myself. Therefore, encounters with songs such as this one is just a piece of cake, or at least they should be. But trust me...di ko kinaya yung kanta (I don't think I was able to get a hold of myself)!!! So I did what I usually do in times of "misery"...I share it with friends. Hehehe. Unfortunately, it was *N who had to bear the brunt. I texted *N the lyrics I just heard and here's how things went:

*N: Nakng...anong kanta yan?
Moi: Hahaha. Kakaiba diba? Ang aga aga eh...It's an old song by I dunno who...Haay!!!
*N: Kanta ng mga na-jug! Hahaha
Moi: Ang galeng! Kanta nga ng mga na-jug na humihingi ng round two!!! Hahahaha

I forgot how our conversation ended but then it was a really good diversion from the ickiness I felt with the song that I actually ended up having a big grin on my face. Oh life is really good...especially with friends who can relate with my zaniness...indeed I am blessed:)

Encouraged Optimism

friday night almost ended on a sour note until i got a phone call from my guy best friend *y...it's been a while since i last heard from him. and his phone call could not have come at a much better time. you see, i waited for *c until 8pm knowing that i'd give her company as she planned to drink herself to death...i really didn't mind since i myself was excited to go on a drinking spree, my first in a long while since i actually don't drink. i have low tolerance for alcohol and i figured it's about time that i actually try to work on it...hahaha. but then again, something happened which led to the cancellation of our plans. *c got sick! and she didn't have the good sense to inform me earlier than she actually did since she was hoping she'd get better. in short i was left hanging on thin air...i wanted to wring her neck but then i realized it really wasn't her fault. i thought of just going home but then my folks were out as well. my sister was with them too. and i didn't have the key to the second door so it'd be useless if i went home. hungry, dizzy and tired, i planned on having dinner by my lonesome...then my mobile rang. it was *y. i never felt that happy upon hearing his voice. for one thing, i usually take his calls for granted. i also always make fun of him when we talk. but not that time...his voice was a salve to my aching head and back. he was my angel. he said that his line got cut and he had to find his other sim since he's been wanting to contact me the previous week. he then asked where i was and told me he'd pick me up. truth be told, it uplifted my spirit. just when i thought that i'd have a lousy evening, this really good friend of mine came to the rescue. i must say that this encouraged my optimism. i got what i wanted right that very moment i wanted it. all i was hoping for at that moment was someone who'd keep me company whether i chose to ate or simply rant. and he did just that. thanks *y...btw, i also got to try with *y VodkaIce and it was darned good...it was really good and that capped my night...

Musings...

got buzzed by a friend, *v, just this morning and she just asked how i was...and then the perennial question came. "ana, masaya ka ba?" to which i replied "i won't say i am totally happy. sino bang tao ang makakapagsabing completely happy sha? let me put it this way, i am happy but i could be happier." questions such as this one often catch me offguard driving me to introspect at the most inopportune time. *sigh*

i realized in one of my waking moments that i end my day with a prayer asking God to help me become a better person each day. i just don't know if i am giving my part of the bargain. but i hope i am. and part of that process of making me a better person are hardships and pain... sometimes, i ask myself (i never question God though), are the lessons learned worth all the pain i go through?...i can't say for sure but i something tells me they are...

Robbery in Broad Daylight

got a call last wednesday from this pre-need company and said that i was chosen as one of the lucky few to heve been granted a privilege card which i could use in over a hundred establishments. the first thing i asked was: what's the catch? they said nothing. that i just had to come by their office to pick it up and bring two valid IDs and a credit card...they also said that for every card that i have will entitle me to two raffle tickets that could win me a trip to boracay. i said i don't have the time to pick it up since i've lots of things to do. they adjusted the pick up time that will fit right in my sched. hmmm...they were that persistent. the moment i stepped in their office, i knew there's something up their sleeves...they actually tried to force down my throat an insurance policy i didn't want...the nerve of those people...oh well, good thing i was able to get out of it unscathed...just wanted to tell you to beware of those phoney calls...i just hope i still win that trip though...even though i gave them my two cents worth on the matter...it was plain robbery in broad daylight...

anyway, i still find it unbelievable that there are actually song titles like the ones i'd be listing below...i read this in reader's digest and these songs were actually collected by a certain Mike Harden, a columnist for The Columbus Dispatch in Ohio. Here are the best of the worst:

1. How Can I Miss you If You Won't Go Away?
2. If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
3. My Wife Ran Off With My Bestfriend (I Sure Miss Him)
4. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
5. Thank God and Greyhound (She's Gone)
6. The Man that Came Between Us (Was Me)
7. I got You on My Conscience, But at least You're Off my Back

It's been a looong day...

it's been a long day. i should've known the moment i awoke that it'll be a long day...i was late for work this morning. it was already 9am and i was still waiting for my ride. heck! i've to re-learn how to get up really early in the morning. i got so used to extending my snooze time that i always get up an hour after my set time for my alarm...hehe, not good!!!...then there was my stiff neck which really made me feel uncomfortable. i got it from sleeping right in front of my computer...i suddenly felt a pang of sadness as i missed my "quack doctor"...the one who loosened my tired and knotted muscles while i was away:)*sigh* come lunchtime, my mobile rang. it was *m, a dear dear friend of mine whom i haven't seen in a while. said she was nearby and asked if i wanted to meet up with her. how can i possibly say no? so despite my plans for lunch, i went to meet her up and cancelled my previous plans. it was great seeing her again. she was glowing...pregnancy indeed becomes her. and am just so happy and excited for her. it was just great seeing and talking to her again. we just laughed over stuff that we talked about but there were pensive moments as well...well, on my part at least...but it was nice and fun overall until we noticed that it was raining outside...aaaarrgghh!!! to think that the weather was pleasant earlier...it just sucked but then i didn't let that get to me since i was happy seeing *m again...when i got back at the office, i was a bit distracted with a few phone calls...those were my so-called ehem..."fans"...hehehe. seriously, so distracted was i that i had to stay until around 8pm at the office to finish what i was supposed to finish. when i got home, i just washed-up and took a shower. good thing i had coffee before i went home. i suppose it's what's been keeping me going up until this very moment...my eyelids are drooping but i still have a lot to do...my reaction papers are well, just a figment of my imagination for now...and possibly for a few more days. i've ben racking my brains for anything that i could write but i just can't force myself to do it. i know it'll come naturally...just like the way this entry came about...to think i was really bent on coming up with at least one reaction paper for the night...

Subok Lang

gabi na ng makauwi ako mula sa simpleng huntahan namin ng aking mga kaibigan...si *m, *j, *e at ako ay nagpangita sa isang lugar kung saan kami nakapag-usap, nakapag-yosi, nakakain at nakainom. biyaya para sa akin ang pagkakataong makasama ko ang mga taong itinuturing kong kaibigan kaya't kahit pagod at marami ang responsabilidad na kahaharapin pag uwi ko ng bahay, hala at sumige pa rin ako sa pakikipagkita sa kanila at di naman ako nagsisising ginawa ko iyon. masama man ang loob sa mga pangyayaring di kanais-nais sa opisina, kapaguran sa buong araw na pagttrabaho ng maayos, pagkalutang ng pagiisip sa mga di na napag-usapang bagay-bagay, naroon pa rin ang pagsisikap na maging matatag at masaya para sa isa't isa. kaya nga kami nagpasyang magkita-kita eh...dahil alam naming sa kabila ng mga nakasusuyang kaganapan at samu't saring prolema, kayang kaya namin maging masaya sa pamamagitan lamang ng pakikinig sa siphaya ng bawat isa.

hanggang dito na lang muna...

This Poem I Love...

I got this from E.E Cummings' Selected Poems...

very masterful...erotic and yet tasteful...

i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh....And eyes big lover-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

A Blog Revisited...

This entry is actually a tribute to a great blogger/friend *e. It has been four months since I last posted an entry because whether you believe it or not, I actually forgot my username and password. Teehehe...I had to do some hard core search for that tiny strip of paper where I list all my account names and passwords which was a result of *e's coercion. Hahahaha...Not that I regularly post my entries here but the fact that I forgot the account I myself set-up is not something that I am or should be proud of. Due to this, I am now making a promise of having my account updated every once in a while (meaning: at least once a month). Having said that, it made me think as to how I fared from last year in terms of the things I vowed myself to do or at least try to do...let me see...

1. I will lose weight: I was doing pretty well 'til mid-November. In two weeks, I gained 10 lbs while I was vacationing in pleasant and sunny California. Stayed in beautiful Carlsbad in San Diego County with my relatives and just ate, slept, rested, shopped and visited places for the first time (not necessarily in that order). Given the manner by which I gained weight, I'd say it wasn't so bad. Besides, I can always shed those excess poundage when I get back to doing my regular power boxing workouts. This will be another story though:)

2. I will read as much as I could: I read stuff for school, for work and fortunately, I also had the time for leisure reading. I splurged on books while I was on vacation and I also have finished He's Just Not That Into You, Shelter, and Shopaholic and Sister. I still have Probable Future and EE Cummings' book to read...Oh well, 'nuff said...

3. I will visit a place I've never been to before: Got to visit the beauiful and breathtaking Bohol. Went to the United States for the first time too. Lucky me! I only paid $10 for my itenerary. The first eight weeks I stayed in the east coast was due to work. Then from there, I flew to the west coast...off to California I went for my well-deserved vacation:)

4. I will be open to possibilities and relationships: I think I fared really well on this aspect of my life...I did a lot of growing up in the last three months but that'll make up an entire saga that I will lack space if I start with it now.

5. I will be more compassionate and understanding of other people's predicaments: I believe that one can never be too compassionate so there should always be room for it and I can still work on it.

So those were just a few items on my to-do list...I'm going to hit the bed for now and will come up with an updated list in the coming days...