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I've never felt so alone in my life. And it was so ironic that I felt it when unconfirmed news of another baby in the family is on its way came out...Yes, you read it right folks! We are going to have another baby after 22 years. And it doesn't help that The Rainbow Connection's (which Sarah Mclachlan sang in an infuriatingly beautiful way) playing in my iPod right now. Brings back memories of my childhood when my only major concern was how to get through the day without me getting caught playing outside the house.

I should've known that it bothered me since I really had a blah day at the office and I was so out of sync. I just kept pushing the thought at the back of my head. I never realized that the news affected me so much until when I got home from work this evening. I kissed everyone when I got home but then it seemed like I wasn't really there. I felt like I was floating while I was in my own private shell where nobody could penetrate. Then I headed straight for my room, undressed and changed clothes and just lay on top of my bed. I shut the world out by turning the volume of my player full blast until I dozed off. But I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. I really felt so alone. My sister, who's usually sensitive with the things I do NOT say, just managed a simple "Are you okay, Ate? What's wrong?" and then continued talking with her friend on the phone when she first saw me. I was never lacking of attention from the people who mattered to me but at that moment I felt I was the biggest KSP alive. Pathetic huh? I really don't know why I am feeling this way. Probably it's been so long that we had a baby in the family and it didn't help that it is my mom who's going to have a baby. Hell yeah! That's it!!! It's supposed to be me, well in the natural order of things that is. Or it could even be my sister, but not mom. But then she's the one. And how selfish and mean of me to think that it can not be her:( Actually, it has to be her since she's the only one married. Hehehe.

Now I couldn't help but smile and be cheesy. Dear old mom:)...This baby is going to be damn lucky since he's got all of us...Now I can actually say that finally after a long while, we are going to have a baby. God's gift...Heaven-sent...